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Keith Lemon: The Film Review

August 29, 2012

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new contender for Worst Film of 2012 in Keith Lemon: The Film

Thanks to the law of averages, there have been just as many stinkers as there have been great films this year. After watching The Devil Inside, Jack and Jill and Project X I naively assumed that I had got the worst of 2012s releases out the way. Naturally, there are a flurry of films released every week that threaten to challenge all the negative feelings I have experienced at the cinema. Keith Lemon: The Film (or The Movie if the studio dare release this overseas) was the ultimate test of this rule, and my own patience.

Leigh Francis plays Keith Lemon; an entrepreneur who dreams of being as equally successful as his hero Richard Branson. In classic from rags to riches style, Lemon travels from Leeds to London to pursue his dreams. A chance encounter leaves him with a glut of smart phones (promptly named The Lemon Phone), resulting in overnight success and consequently; a new life. Lemon now has millions in the bank, model Kelly Brook as his girlfriend and an army of new “famous” friends. As much as he tries to forget his old life, friends and his girlfriend Rosie up North; things soon catch up with him as they always do in these types of films.

There is no doubt that Keith Lemon: The Film is one of the biggest, most disappointing, heaps of rubbish ever to feature on the big screen. Relatively enjoying Lemon’s quiz show Celebrity Juice (where he subjects so-called celebrities to playful humiliation), I still had below par expectations for his first, and hopefully last, feature film. Dubbed on Rotten Tomatoes as not only a comedy, but also as art house/international; fans of either genre will be sadly misinformed. Neither funny nor entertaining; Keith Lemon: The Film is nothing short of embarrassing for everyone involved.

With cameos from reality TV show stars, some vaguely recognisable television presenters and a couple of washed up pop stars, I sincerely doubt how well this film will transcend to different parts of the world; especially as its not been well received in its own country. A gross out comedy for all the wrong reasons, I didn’t laugh, or even a snigger, even once. Although it didn’t anger me in quite the same way as Project X did (I didn’t storm out of Keith Lemon: The Film come the opening credits; instead I sat in disbelief at the utter tripe I had just witnessed), I haven’t experienced quite the same unpleasantness since that fateful cinema trip. There are a couple of scenes I implore you to avoid that stand out as being especially grotesque: one involving over excitement (I’ll say no more), the other involving unspeakable acts towards mashed potato.

I sincerely hope that international audiences, if they ever suffer the misfortune of catching this offensive nonsense; do not judge the world of British cinema by this abomination. Not fit for straight to DVD release or even the bargain bin; stay well away from Keith Lemon: The Film at all costs. Do not indulge your curiosity; it will only result in disappointment, embarrassment and shame for handing over your hard earned money to the many studios that funded this atrocity.